So you accidentally ate a few…and dropped a few…it’s all good, right?Ħ. You know you’ve got talent because you practice at home by picking up your grandfather’s tiny blood pressure pills. You’re really, scarily good at using chopsticks. You roll one Supreme Crap Crunch roll in an hour, and then decide to just eat all the ingredients separately and chase them with a bottle of sake while crying inconsolably.ĥ. You bought a ton of crap from World Market, thinking that this could actually be easy. You have actually tried to make sushi at home. And you’re planning to go to Japan as soon as you’re fluent…which will probably be next week.Ĥ. Eel is actually “Unagi”…omelette is “Tamago.” Forget sushi names – you’re learning Japanese. You know all of the proper Japanese names for sushi. It happens to the best sushi addicts…wear your vom-stained kimono like the badge of honor it is.ģ. Sorry not sorry, you were starving! But Flounder decided to leave you with the gift that keeps on giving. You inhaled the entirety of that questionable-looking grocery store sushi dish the other day. You’ve had some sort of fish-borne illness. Why not just skip all the in-between steps and drink mercury directly from the source?Ģ. This is your fault because you didn’t recycle your old fashioned mercury-containing thermometers, you dick. Here’s how it works: human eats jumbo fish that ate slightly less big fish that previously ate pathetic sad bottom-feeder fishies that bottom-fed on mercury deposits. Your doctor diagnoses you with mercury poisoning. But how can you tell when someone has gone from casual sushi connoisseur to full-fledged crazy-pants sushaddict? This list should help you pick up on the telltale signs of a friend (or perhaps you yourself?) who may need an intervention…or a cooked meal.ġ. People who eat sushi live longer, have lower LDL cholesterol levels, and are just generally better than everyone else.

Sushi mercury poisoning